"Una mirada a un espejo de piedra no basta para reconocerse"
Quisiera poder levantarme sin que mis manos agonicen. Pero, en virtud, de las circunstancias, la dolorosa sensación en las muñecas es ya un buen augurio. Desconozco si el doctor que tengo por amigo pueda responder un llamado a estas horas. Mejor no. Seguro algún desdichado que parpadeo con una motosierra en mano esté esperando por sus servicios. Dejemos al hipotético pobre hombre el lugar de privilegio.
Una vieja lata de cerveza me recuerda dónde he estado las últimas tres noches. Y dónde he estaré las siguientes cinco horas. Frente al ordenador, esperando tus palabras. Me has prohibido tus ojos y me has negado la voz. Miserable consuelo el que me has dejado. Pero, sin vergüenza o reclamo, lo acepto. Esas paladeadas de bits me recuerdan que estoy vivo.
Y me dices cuanto has llorado. Y me duele saberlo. Me aterra saberme en un estado de mentira automatica. Casi todo lo que sale de mi lleva la etiqueta de falacia tatuada en cualquiera que sea su esencia. Reducido a paria, me cuesta quererte. Me devora la conciencia mi fallo. y sí, me lo he ganado.
Pero quiero pelear...
Música de sombras es mi marcha de combate. ¿Qué más podría esperar cuando te escucho hablar entre cada verso de Rita Guerrero y Santa Sabina? ¿O si me imagino una danza macabra a tu lado, en los fóbicos brazos de Cantodea? Y todo se mueve a tu alrededor... porque a tu alrededor se movia cuando estaba lejos.
Sí, quería dejar de pensar en ti. O, al menos, en cuanto tiempo faltaba para que llegaras. Pero en medio de una partida de Mortal Kombat comencé a hablar como si fueras mi oponente. Supe de tu reciente adicción por los juegos de video. Una pasión que por años desee compartir contigo.
Y miro al lado y no estas. No soy cristiano, pero me haces rogar a Jesús que tu presencia no sea un espejismo. Me siento vivo ahora, tan vivo compartiendo vida y añoranzas, que no quiero que al darme cuenta de que esta allí se rompa. Como yo lo hice. Y me dolió hacerlo. Al punto de despertar en medio de un lugar extraño, preguntándome porqué no regresaba por lo que fue nuestro.
Y letras que no existían comienzan a resucitar.
Tu leas das espíritu.
No nos niegues la existencia.
11 comments:
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